A Midnight Complaint

I don't really care about all these 'sandwich generation' things

I am suffering financially and mentally, yet I need to put my angel face in front of everyone

pretending that there is no issue, pretending that life runs as usual

I put everyone's expectations on my shoulder and my head every now and then

Now I'm ready to explode

I am no longer aware of what I do really want

I have been too busy becoming a people pleaser

On a night like this, with blacked eyes and a tired look in my face,

I am screaming loud inside. Breaking all the silence a Thursday night could offer.

I love my beloved ones but that seems not enough

And I hate people laughing at something I could not afford for

And I hate how people belittling anything, anything that my wallet could scream out loud

I hate it

But what can I do?

Seems I have been trying to live by the standard beyond mine

I am just tired

I am sick of people laughing and smiling at things they put price tags on

I just want to live as low as possible

avoiding unnecessary attention, shutting down my 'nice' mode

just keep it all to myself

I just want to perceive my sanity, out of this crazy world.

Oftentimes, people laugh at me

But I don't get the jokes, I can't see any funny thing

The world just keeps going on, without showing a little mercy on me

And here I am, in the middle of the night, talking to myself about being sane

But I think, I am an inch close to the insanity

I keep writing codes as an escape. But this can't go on and on.

'Life is like a box of chocolate'

Well, mine is not always the box of chocolate

I am wondering what I am going to get tomorrow

Do I get any?

I want to stop the time for a while, 

just to do nothing, clearing up my cache

I am at the point where I do not want to expect any further.

Just, no surprises please*

*Radiohead - No Surprise