Catatan Riki Akbar

Tomorrow will be my first day working in the new place I stare vacantly at my computer It's late already and I should have headed to bed two hours ago like staring around in a frozen room I couldn't feel anything but cold I had two sandwiches but it doesn't help I'm so tired and yet I can't sleep I stare vacantly I can't sleep. I should have bought my sleeping pills. It's so cold. I can't sleep.

You've been acting strange today. I have no idea what I've done wrong I assumed you must be very tired and need to get some time to think. I don't want to bother you anyway. I just tried to make sure that you're fine. That's all. Let me know if I can help you out. I love you so much. Much more than I love myself. Nothing hurts me more than knowing you're in pain. Let me swallow your pain for you. I just want you to know, you're not alone. Let me hold your problems so you can breath peacefully. I know we can make it out. Soon, the storm will fade away. Just smile and tell me you love me. I will always be waiting for you. Your huge admirer, Riki Akbar.

Kau tak pernah tahu tiap minggu, waktu yang kutunggu adalah berjalan bersamamu Aku tak peduli dengan apa yang terjadi dari Senin sampai Jumat Tak peduli apakah mutasi keramat jatuh di hari Jumat yang ada di pikiranku hanya ingin bersama kamu di hari Sabtu atau Minggu Ketika berjalan bersamamu, aku tak peduli dengan sikapku yang berubah menjadi kekanak-kanakan Aku ingin menjadi jujur di sampingmu menatap wajahmu yang entah kenapa tak bisa hilang bertahun-tahun lamanya menatap behelmu yang menjadikanmu manis sekali tiap sore menyeka keringatmu dan membelai rambutmu adalah rutinitas favoritku yang baru mataku, oh ya mataku, tak bisa lepas dari wajahmu apalagi ketika kau tersenyum sayangku, untuk sepersekian detik, lidahku kelu melukiskan kecantikanmu dengan algoritma apapun Aku tahu ini mungkin membuatmu bosan tapi aku sungguh tergila-gila denganmu bukan, bukan cuma ingin sebentar denganmu aku ingin bersamamu, seperti yang sering kukatakan, di sini ataupun di sana saat i...

Today, another confession I guess It's 17 minutes away to the midnight and yet I'm still staring at your pictures I don't know why but seeing your smile is so relaxing and comforting tonight In your smile, I find nothing except your beauty I don't know, just by staring at your pictures, I feel so peaceful I really want to smile and cry at the same time I don't know, I don't have any explanation for this I love you, you know that for sure but what you don't know is the 'love' word is only the simplified form of saying: - I want to be by your side forever and ever - I want to hear your stories all night long - I want to kiss your forehead when you fall asleep - I want to stare at your sleeping face until the dawn comes - I want to laugh with you - I want to run my hand over your eyes just when your tear is about to drop - I want to see your smile for the rest of my life - I want to sit by our bed when you feel unwell - I want, I ...

Tomorrow will be marked as another crucial point of my life. For the first time, I will pay a visit, not an ordinary one though It's extremely important It's going to be a big day I can't help myself freezing right now I am extremely nervous at the moment I don't want to ruin it So, I organize a detailed arrangement From selecting my best options in terms of outfit to determining the most reasonable route to her place I am spending my entire afternoon just to think possibilities and figure out ways to overcome them, just in case. I love her very much, much more than I love myself So, I want to make sure everything will run smoothly and the rest, Let Allah decides. Wish me luck, everyone. PS: Wina, I love you, darling. I love you so much.

Sayang, berapa kali pun engkau menanyakan, bagiku engkaulah yang tercantik berapa kali pun engkau ragu, aku akan jadi yang terdepan mengatakan bahwa kau cantik dengan caramu tak peduli dengan potongan rambut dan bobot badanmu, aku hanya ingin denganmu tak sadarkah engkau, betapa anggunnya Allah ciptakan dirimu? begitulah dirimu di mataku Senyum yang lama hilang kini telah kembali Aku tak bisa menahan diri untuk menatap wajahmu lekat-lekat kau tak pernah dengar suara hatiku membisikkan syukur berkali-kali kau tak pernah melihat ada bulir airmata bahagia menyelinap di balik kacamataku kau tak pernah tahu betapa basah sajadahku meminta kepada-Nya untuk disandingkan denganmu Jangan pedulikan apa yang orang katakan ketahuilah, ada pria yang ingin menghabiskan seluruh waktunya denganmu, memuliakan dirimu dan memastikan pertemuan ini tidak berakhir di dunia saja Aku ingin bersamamu melintasi dimensi ruang dan waktu yang fana Aku ingin menua, mati, dan dihidupkan kembali hanya...

I know there are bunch of confessions I had written but still, to me, you are the centre of my inspiration lake  I have never been this calm, not as far as I could recall I have never been so in love, not as far as I could remember with you, everything seems to be different with you, every single day offers a whole new experience and we are yet to discover what life's going to be But, truly my dear Wina, I have never been this sure to spend my entire life by your side and I really hope that you share the same feeling You are the only one I want to see when I open my eyes in the morning You are the only one I always think of when I drag my body off my bed I know you might get tired of all these confessions I can't help myself from writing more confessions and I'm really glad I can't stop doing this I have no intention to stop afterall In conclusion, ma'am: I love you so much.